Two days after Christmas, I wrote about how painful and tiring the holiday was for me. If you read it, you know that I didn’t have much sleep on top of what I just mentioned. I can’t say it wasn’t expected because it was.
Although a quiet one, the New Year celebration was also expected to be painful and tiring. It was. No surprise here.
After these holidays, I thought I wouldn’t get worse than I already was - a few days to recover, and that would be it. Wrong! So, but so wrong!
Since the third day of the year, I have had my worst experience with fibromyalgia so far. The pain was so unbearable that I spent every day and night with hot water bottles on my back and taking boiling showers. My back was so red for having so much heat on it that it looked like a lobster.
Even so, I could barely walk on most days.
The brain fog was so thick that I had massive difficulty thinking about even the most minor, simplest things.
I rarely cooked during these days. How could I?! Even getting out of bed caused me crazy high levels of pain and required an immense amount of energy I didn’t have to begin with.
I’m always trying to keep a positive attitude and mindset despite the difficulties, but these days truly tested my determination. At one time, I even doubted if it was worth it to keep fighting against it and find a treatment - that might not even exist - for my chronic pain.
I felt utterly lost and desperate, like I hadn’t until then. “Will it always be like this” - I thought to myself a lot of times.
Fortunately, the worst is now over. I can even sit for a bit on the couch. The brain, however, is still in a mushy state but improving.
I’ll have my second transcranial magnetic stimulation appointment on Monday, and I’m super excited about it! The first one was a positive and promising experience, so I expect this one to be like that too.
photo from Unsplash
